I Ache

I have tired of fear and trepidation and hesitance. The ringing in my ears all this time has been my own soul screaming at me to get the fuck out. My heart has known all along that I do not belong here, that out there is my life. There are voices out there calling me, and they have followed me forever, never giving up hope that I might turn and listen … and I hear them now for the first time clearly, the voices of clouds and lovers and friends and teachers and spirits and souls …. they have all waited for me to join them, and I can no longer resist the call. For my heart needs them to continue beating, it needs the sustenance of love and hope, it needs to know that this force is life. Stars have looked down on me for eternity, never to abandon me. Winds have returned time and time again to tug at my shirt, to guide me towards the songs.  I need to come home now, to the sounds and songs and voices that have called to me forever.

There is a madness inside of me that I want to listen to. I need to see in which direction the ache inside my chest will point me. The ringing in my ears is wisdom I must finally allow. My breathe wants to travel. I want to tilt my head to the heavens so I may see time. My fingers want to dance words onto paper, my eyes to attach to beauty, my voice to soothe, my hair to catch the winds.

I want to stare at the sun, no, look right through it.

I have lost my place in the world, finally, and it is the largest of blessings.

Now, I know nothing and am settling into the liminal, the undefined, the borderless.


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