The only words I can come up with to explain where I am these days is to say that I am in a new landscape. There is so much space here, yet there is an immensity still available if I should muster the courage to allow it in.
Observation and self-inquiry have been the tools of choice for me for some time now. The most amazing gifts of these is not the individual revelations that naturally arrive but that observation and self-inquiry breeds a greater appetite for self-knowledge. Once I understood this then I began to sense that absolutely everything that entered my sphere was a catalyst for life itself. Gifts everywhere.
A very important ingredient in accepting these gifts is to “accept” them. Adjectives such as good or bad don’t belong here, they ruin the view. The gifts are experiences and judging them puts a distance between me and the full experience of life. Life is a fertile experience.
I have often hosted late-night bouts of second-guessing and doubt. I used to recoil from such events, roll over and try to sleep. In recent times I have changed my ways and considered that there must be something arriving that I need to know or contemplate. Observing how I was resisting was as important as the bothersome concerns that had awakened me, and I came restful in my restlessness. Another gift.
All of this leads me to consider again my wish to be fully expressed. I question my approach to this goal and ask how can I be fully expressed if I am not fully engaged, not fully accepting, not fully willing?
My approach to life, to each day, to each moment, this is what dictates my experience of life. I will not have a full experience if I do not fully open to it. Should I shelter my heart then I will live a sheltered life. To recoil from what feels like the worst of this world is to recoil from knowing my place in it.
How can any of us express ourselves if we do not approach our life fully? A painter will not produce imaginative and engaging art if they approach their canvas with closed eyes. Good poetry does not arise from a deadened heart. A spirited call for respect cannot emerge from those in hiding.
So it is also true for me that if I approach life closed off from it’s offerings I cannot possibly know what it has to offer.
It’s all in my approach.