I am lost. Again. A different kind of lost to be sure, but nonetheless, lost.
Yet the view is different now. The traumas I have been chasing down have been boiled down into a broth of sorts, an essential ingredient that will be forever present in my life. This is who I am, these are the fires that forged me, and I have accepted this. In the same way that a good photograph is defined as much by the background as the subject, I too have a backdrop.
This has brought me to the brink of the present moment, throbbing with an all-powerful energy. It sets up a vibration in the depths of my being, simultaneously calling to me and intimidating me. I tremble. I feel.
I have spent my entire life resisting this experience, shielding my eyes from the brightness. I see that my early experiences of horror and fear gave me a glimpse “behind the veil”, one that would terrify me and oddly provide me with the fuel to survive.
Now I am stepping out of the softly blurred background and into focus. I tremble for a reason, for this is the territory of truth.
This is a gift.