It is often said in non-dual circles  that “life is an illusion”


It is becoming clear to me that MY life is a series of illusions. And more importantly , if there is a culprit involved, it is me!  Who knows maybe I am even creating them (scary thought!)


it has become evident to me that I had expectations of those around me (while trying to recover from the stroke) expectations that were not met by some.While many have been most amazing The error here appears to be mine ( I shouldn’t have had any expectations, and furthermore I  have been chastised for  having them, and for raising the topic!


But I have to add, that recovering from a stroke is damn hard work, and maybe I am not at the top of my game ….. Maybe I have never been! ………… probably because of my confusion around expectations


IN the interest of full-disclosure here, I have also failed in meeting the very valid expectations of others ( read here, three kids and an ex-wife).So maybe I have had it coming!  Karma?


I am 10 months into recovering  from a stroke. Physically I am doing fairly well. I haven’t succumbed to any deep depression either!

I dig deep within! Always, willing to dismantle my approach to life.   More recently I have immersed myself into the Upanishads, within I have found a level of Wisdom that I could never imagined assembled all within one source. I am making big changes within, very big ones!


The stroke, my friends, the study on non-dual teachings, the Upanishads, and the intense self-introspection all together have humbled me. (must have needed it!)

Yet it seems clear I still do not understand how to find my rightful place in this life It makes me wonder “What the hell is it that I don’t understand? Because clearly I am missing out on something.



Truly my biggest confusion of all is this ( I am a really good man) yet how have I ended up  as someone to fail to live up to the best parts of myself?


I am sure I will have more to add to this later……..