It would be completely arrogant for me to say that I live an honest life, because I don’t really think I know what that is. At best, I think it is fair to say that I am holding myself more accountable now than before. Maybe that is the most I can hope for, to continue to be more accountable to what it is I believe and hold true for myself.
Of course, what I hold true for myself continues to evolve and deep inquiry is the reason. Wanting to know more has become the engine of my life, and the benefits have been extraordinary. I cannot imagine stopping.
This evolution I speak of is the reason that an honest life is a moving target. As I change, my ability to think becomes more refined and nuanced. I continue to be led to understandings that are concise and more importantly, relevant to the person that I am and am becoming.
Concise is elegant, and elegance can be found in the very best of poetry to the simple and wordless act of holding hands. It is the “less is more” principle I am trying to invoke here. The unnecessary words, the idle talking, the clutter, they have all been removed.
I am finding that for me the honest life started to appear when I began to remove the clutter. This was an affair of self-annihilation, a reluctant but necessary stripping away of everything that had held me together. It took me a very long time and a lot of people were hurt before I realized that most of what had “held me together” was actually snuffing the life force out of me. My knees buckled many times as I came face to face with the deeply painful choices.
Honesty is not complicated. However, the path there is. It is tough, damn tough. Many people supported me even when they might not have understood what was going on inside of me and I thank them all.